Hearing vs Listening
No matter how much we all would like to, you cannot turn off your senses. Some people can go nose blind and be unaware of foul smells. You can close your eyes for some time and be temporarily blind from things you do not wish to see. You can even plug your nose to stop yourself from tasting something foul. Unless you walk around like with your index fingers in your ears 24/7, it is difficult to stop hearing the things around you. A good song at a concert grabs our attention, a couple yelling at each other down the street has the same effect, but there is a difference between hearing someone speak and listening to someone. The world we are living in is getting darker by the day; mental health consequences are at an all-time high. It is time to really check on our friends with love. Do not just hear what others have to say, listen, and be there for one another.
How To Listen
Remember, a great listener is hard to come by. If you could be that determining factor in someone's life, you are one step closer to becoming a true friend.
Limit distractions. Unfortunately, the iPhone makes it very easy to rabbit trail around into distractions. You could be in a face-to-face conversation, have an imessage pop up + another imessage interrupt your reply! You would never really allow three people to speak to you at the same time. Put the phone away, enjoy quality time with a friend, and save casual texting conversations for later in the day.
Ask follow-up questions. There is a massive difference in interrupting to prove a point or trying to get your statement out into the atmosphere before you forget, and asking follow-up questions. If you cannot remember a follow-up question at the end if an account, it was not that important. Or you could simply write down your queries; a friend would not mind a little free counseling session, after all, they are coming to you for help.
Resist the urge to make it about you. People tend to empathize by divulging a similar experience to sound more relatable. "If they skinned their knee and I skinned my knee when I was six, they have to hear about it!" You are there to listen, listen. Be more interested in understanding people than being perceived.
Listen to learn. Every word someone says to you in confidence is a glimpse into their world. Friends are unpacking mental challenges, and peeling back the layers to their life. Respect that, and learn more about others, and possibly yourself.
